Old Clinton Barbeque, Gray GA ****

Edna Earl had been hearing about Old Clinton Barbeque for years, so when she happened to spy it along the roadside there one bright and sunny noonday, she was ecstatic! Well, truth be told, EE actually arrived about 11:00 AM, openin’ time. When she and her two lunch buddies entered the front door, they were immediately and warmly greeted by the three women behind the counter. And you know what happened after that – It wadn’t but about five seconds before Edna Earl and her party and the women behind the counter had figured out that they knew each others’ cousins’ cousins – or somethin’ like that. At any rate, the women behind the counter were most helpful and friendly. And not just to EE and party. EE saw the women similarly greet others who entered the place, and not at all in any obnoxious way. The women’s first offer was always to help the customer with the menu. And, you know, some folks do need help with a menu.

Old Clinton’s “BBQ plate” features, in a manner typical to other barbeque establishments around the South, barbeque, stew, bread, pickle, and choice of coleslaw or potato salad. And this is exactly what Edna Earl ordered. EE did find it interesting that unlike at many other BBQ establishments around the South, one does not get a choice of “chipped, chopped, or sliced” pork. All is one at Old Clinton – and it was what EE would describe as chipped.

Edna Earl feels impelled at this point to clarify for any non-Southern reader that the term “barbeque” always means pork.

Old Clinton also offers a “Rib Plate,” “Smoked Half Chicken Plate,” and “Turkey Plate.” Interestingly, the “Rib, “Smoked Half Chicken” and “Turkey” plates offer “BBQ beans” as a side rather than Brunswick stew. One in EE’s party ordered the ribs and beans, and liked them. In addition to the plates, Old Clinton offers a few other items, of course -- sandwiches, chips, slices of homemade cake, etc. -- but the aforelisted is what one receives on a “plate.” The only concession EE could see to modern times is the fact that Old Clinton now offers (with voiced apologies from the women behind the counter) the customer’s choice of “light, wheat, or rye” bread. They also serve, of course, tea – sweet and unsweet – and soft drinks. Old Clinton does not serve beer or wine.

Everybody who knows anything about Southern barbeque knows that each region – and each different BBQ joint – is distinguished by its sauce. Sauce at Old Clinton is the kind Edna Earl and her ilk describe as the “North Carolina variety,” thin and dark, applied at table. Sometimes this kind of sauce ill suits Edna Earl, but in this case, owing to the combination of the finely cooked meat with the particular quality of the sauce itself, Edna Earl approved. (It must be noted that Edna Earl’s lunchmates, both diehard Alabama Yellowsauce fans, only reluctantly approved, but we all know about those Alabama Yellowsauce fans, don’t we?!) All three in Edna Earl’s party just thanked god that there was none of that middle-Georgia “catchupy” sauce in evidence at Old Clinton.

With only seven tables, an interesting counter, and a couple of picnic tables outside under the portico, Old Clinton appears to be first and foremost a take-out establishment. Now, that is not to say that dining in was not a pleasant experience. It definitely was. A diner may browse the family photographs, the newspaper articles, the antiques and the other artifacts on display. There is no music; there is no television. A diner may engage in conversation with the women behind the counter as well as with other diners. One may even read and learn about that famous middle-Georgia legend The Goat Man. This is all to say that one may have a most pleasant dining experience at Old Clinton. However, Old Clinton is not exactly the kind of place one would go for, say, a romantic evening out or a prom night or even a ladies’ lunch. It is a place one goes to eat barbeque. Enough said.

So let’s just sum this whole thing up by saying that Edna Earl hereby declares Old Clinton Barbeque to be (You read it here first, folks!) – drum roll – THE REAL DEAL. Yessir, Old Clinton is the real deal. Yes, Edna Earl admits to the Styrofoam plates and the plastic utensils, but how else is a take-out BBQ joint supposed to function? And besides – one can always carry a little Old Clinton home and serve it with Grandma’s Chantilly on Great-Grandma’s Haviland. But, alas, in that case one would miss the opportunity to converse with the friendly women and read about The Goat Man!

Edna Earl says, “Visit Old Clinton soon. You won’t be disappointed.”

Sprayberry's Barbeque, Newnan, Georgia **

Nope. Never again. Edna Earl muses that if you’re going for a barbeque pork sandwich and an order of fries, you’ll be okay – but you won’t be excited – and you certainly shouldn’t expect anything much beyond the sandwich and fries. EE herself ordered the “barbeque chicken plate” which consisted of two boneless, mealy, rubber-chicken breasts grilled (She guessed.) and slathered with this barbeque sauce that just really did not go with chicken. It’s that dark, watery stuff that, EE thinks, was their attempt at North Carolina barbeque sauce. At any rate, it didn’t work – particularly with chicken. One of EE's sides was a “green salad” which consisted of the shredded inner (white) part of iceberg lettuce, with a FEW pieces of diced tomato and her choice of the cheapest of packaged dressings. The other of her sides was a baked potato, which came with one of those packets of sour cream and several packages of “butter.” (EE hates it when she has to open all sorts of packages at the table.) Those were the only sides offered, except that EE was offered a choice between French fries and a baked potato. Oh, and there was a “roll” which was the vilest kind of pre-cooked, packaged thing. EE left it alone, though she did pick it up and examine it. All in all, Edna Earl's meal would have been inedible had she not been so hungry. (It was 2:00 PM and she and her party hadn’t had lunch.)

Edna Earl's ol’ man ordered a barbeque sandwich (pork, of course; that’s what barbeque means down here) and onion rings, which Sprayberry’s touts. Well, he said that the barbeque sandwich was “okay,” that the sauce was “weird,” and he didn’t even comment on the onion rings, which he tasted but left uneaten. EE also tasted and found them to be a veritable exercise in grease retention.

One of EE's complaints with Sprayberry’s is that their menu offerings were just so slim. She simply could not help but compare them to Country’s in Columbus, Georgia, and to other barbeque joints where you can get all sorts of items other than barbeque. Of course, EE is all for those places where barbeque is the lone offering – IF the barbeque is damn good – and Sprayberry’s is definitely not.

And, oh yeah, the place is overpriced big time. Edna Earl's "barbeque chicken plate" of two boneless breasts with a medium baked potato and some dead lettuce and a vile roll was $10.95! The bill for Edna and her ol' man came to $22.43, plus tip -- way too much for a barbeque joint lunch -- especially when it's as lame as this was.

The physical space is alright, though not inspired, and the waitress was nice. (Reasons for the second star.)

Edna Earl's sage advice to Sprayberry’s: Come on down to Columbus and Phenix City to see what a REAL barbeque joint can be.

Country's Barbeque, Columbus, Georgia ****

A home-grown Columbus business that has several branches scattered about, Country's is a regional institution.

For its fun atmosphere, for its live country and bluegrass music on Friday and Saturday nights, for its Southern vegetables, especially its collard greens (YUM!), for its giant rocking chair, for its HUGE baked sweet potatoes, for its hilarious television ads, for its annual Midnight Run for good causes, for its mile-high meringue, Edna Earl gives Country's Barbeque a well-deserved four stars.

Notice that EE didn't say anything about Country's barbeque -- yet. While Country's definitely is a barbeque place, offering beef, pork, chicken, and all the trimmins, every local person Edna Earl knows of will tell you something like, "Well, now, Country's is not my favorite barbeque -- ya know, I'm talkin' about just the barbeque now -- I like Smokey Pig's (or Macon Road 's or Fat Freddy's or ...) barbeque better-- but I love Country's anyway -- and I go there all the time. It's a great place to take company."

One thing Edna Earl personally loves about Country's is its choice of three barbeque sauces -- one red, one yellow, and one in between. These three sauces are very true to local tradition -- not that all places serve all three -- They don't. Usually a place offers only one. Country's gives you a choice, EE guesses, as a sampling of local fare.

The yellow mustard-based sauce, unfamiliar to some outsiders, is native to Phenix City, Alabama, located just across the Chattahoochee River from Columbus. And it's an acquired taste. Edna Earl knows a certain young woman who, when she brought her fiance home to sample "yellow sauce" and he didn't take readily to it, seriously considered dumping him on the spot. But said fiance did eventually acquire the required taste -- or, at the very least, he's doin' a good job of fakin' it -- and now, seven or so years later, the couple appear to be happily married.

Another thing Edna Earl likes about Country's is that, unlike most barbeque joints, Country's also offers a full array of vegetables, some good cornbread, some mighty fine fried chicken, and several spectacular homemade pies.

And all the above details illustrate what makes Country's unique among barbeque restaurants: It doesn't really focus on one distinctive pork recipe; instead Country's gives the customer a well-rounded "This is what we're about down here" experience. Thank you for that, Country's. Edna Earl'll be back many more times.

Smokey Pig, Columbus, Georgia and Phenix City, Alabama *****

Okay, let it be said right now, and in no uncertain terms: SMOKEY PIG BARBEQUE in Columbus, Georgia, and Phenix City, Alabama, serves the absolute hands-down BEST barbeque sandwich in the world. In fact, it serves the QUINTESSENTIAL barbeque pork sandwich. Don't let anybody tell you different. Trust ol' Edna Earl. Or, if you don't trust her, go try a buncha other barbeque sandwiches. It won't be long before you'll find yourself trottin' your two little hooves right on back to The Pig, as she's lovingly known -- and you'll walk right up to that counter (or drive right up to that window if you're in Columbus) and order, "One sliced pork sandwich, please." And the rest is heaven.

The stew (Brunswick stew, for those readers who might not know) is good, too, as are the fries and the slaw and the tea. But it's the sandwich that truly rises to the occasion. Now, Edna Earl's not going to reveal exactly where she's from, but she will let you know that she's from a place where, well, there's a LOT of competition when it comes to barbeque. And Edna Earl's tellin' ya right now -- When it comes to the quintessential barbeque sandwich, there IS no competition. It's SMOKEY PIG, all the way.

Mustang Oil, Greensboro, Alabama *****

I love this place! It's exactly what it purports to be -- no more, no less. Well, it sorta is more -- 'cause some of the food really is good, and the scene is fun. And there's this terrific waitress who can remember the orders of at least 20 folks at one time! The place is a converted gas station which now serves as a very casual "restaurant," for lack of a better word. (Upscale it ain't.) It's also a community gathering place and, uh, "information disseminator," if ya know what I mean. (You can come here to catch up on all the latest news in the area.) Another thing I love about Mustang Oil is its diversity of clientele. You'll see everybody from the judge to the day laborer -- and you'll probably have a conversation with 'em. There are a number of tables, but lots of folks get take-out. The menu consists of barbeque and fried catfish, with all the trimmins'. They also have other items -- burgers, etc. And the French fries and coleslaw are really good. (No frozen French fries here -- thank god!) Beer is available, and, of course, lots and lots of sweet tea. The only negative I'd give Mustang Oil is that my party did not at all like the barbeque, but that's 'cause we're not from the region and every region has its own favorite type of barbeque. Folks in Greensboro probably love Mustang Oil barbeque. I myself, while I agreed with others in my party about the barbeque pork sandwiches, absolutely LOVE Mustang Oil's barbequed CHICKEN -- not at all dried out as lots of barbequed chicken is. Moist, flavorful -- yum! Mustang Oil, Edna Earl loves ya!