Farmer's Market Cafe, Montgomery, Alabama *****

Located in the shadow of the Alabama State Capitol, the Farmer's Market Cafe is one of those places that make me glad to be alive. Yep, it's a winner -- for the scene at least as much as for the food. I mean, the food's fine, and some of it is really good, but it's the scene that steals the show. Housed in a long, low concrete block building, The Farmer's Market Cafe features one big dining room that seats probably a hundred folks. And those folks -- well, this is what makes the place so interesting -- those folks include scores of Alabama senators and representatives, lots of people who work in the various government offices, the guys who work in the nearby machine shop, blue-haired ladies from across town, and 'most anybody else -- maybe even the Governor hisself! The Farmer's Market Cafe is a veritable study in the population of Montgomery, Alabama. You'll find there the bluest of bloods, seated right next to the bluest of collars.

I did happen to notice that the clientele of The Farmer's Market Cafe is decidedly more male than female. While there were a few women customers, there were by far more men in attendance on the day we were there -- which leads me to wonder that if a woman were, say, looking for an Alabama husband, a few lunches at The Farmer's Market Cafe might not be a bad investment of time and money.

The arrangement of the interior of the place is a definite contributing factor to the scene. There are booths around the walls, but the backs of the booths are very low so that nobody's view is obstructed. There's absolutely no privacy in The Farmer's Market Cafe. There's no place for a couple of folks to hide and engage in an intimate conversation. No, no. Everything's completely out in the open. And I have a sneakin' feelin' that that's completely by design. The space in the middle of the room features a few big round tables that seat eight or people, but far more of the middle-of-the-room space is taken up with rows of rectangular four-top tables pushed almost together to make eight-tops, producing a result that winds up being more or less communal seating. There's a lot of friendly talk in The Farmer's Market Cafe, all of a decided Southern variety. There's talk among folks at individual tables, talk between the customers and the very friendly and capable waitresses, talk from table to table. And, I strongly suspect that, what especially with all the lawyers and politicos that frequent the place, The Farmer's Market Cafe is a place where, you know, "The deal gets did," if ya know what I mean. I could be totally wrong, but I wouldn't be surprised to learn that a good bit of Alabama law got decided in The Farmer's Market Cafe.

Here's a conversation we heard at the other end of our table where two three-piece lawyers were having lunch: The waitress walked up and one of the men introduced the waitress to the other man. (Names have been changed to protect the innocent.)
Lawyer Number One: "Harold, this is Barbara Gordy. Barbara, this is Harold Dempsey."
Lawyer Number Two (Harold Dempsey): "Barbara Gordy? Nice to meet you, Barbara. Gordy? You kin to Al Dozier?"
Waitress (Barbara Gordy): "Yes. I married into the Faulkner side of the family."
Both Lawyers: "Oh, yes, sure." and "Uh-huh. I see. Yes."
At this point all three parties expressed complete understanding and agreement. The two lawyers seemed to know exactly what the waitress's comment had meant, and the conversation quickly moved to another topic.

I was intrigued.

The place is not pretentious. It has plywood paneled walls decorated with photographs of Alabama sports teams and athletes. There's a big map of the State of Alabama, and a replica of the Alabama State Seal. Hell, for all I know, it's the REAL Alabama State Seal! There's a hand-lettered sign at the beginning of the cafeteria line that reads, "Just hang up!" There's another similar sign at the check-out counter.


Now to the food: The cafeteria line serves an especially bountiful array of traditional Southern specialities, among them numerous homemade desserts. We had a blackberry cobbler that was particularly outstanding. Plastic, divided plates are the order of the day, and (thank goodness) stainless steel utensils and paper napkins. Pitchers of sweet and unsweet tea, and ice-filled plastic glasses (two each person, the reason for which I'm not quite sure) are brought to your table. A little surprise comes at the end of your meal when a waitress comes by to ask what flavor of ice cream you'd like -- on the house. We asked for vanilla and were each brought a little round, old-fashioned, cardboard container of vanilla ice cream.

So, for its food, for its friendly and capable waitresses, for its scene, for its "Hang up the phone!" signs, for its little free ice-creams, for its so proud display of the Alabama State Seal, I hereby declare The Farmer's Market Cafe a five-star institution. So said this nineteenth day of June, two thousand and eight. Long may the Alabama Farmer's Market Cafe prevail!