Old Clinton Barbeque, Gray GA ****

Edna Earl had been hearing about Old Clinton Barbeque for years, so when she happened to spy it along the roadside there one bright and sunny noonday, she was ecstatic! Well, truth be told, EE actually arrived about 11:00 AM, openin’ time. When she and her two lunch buddies entered the front door, they were immediately and warmly greeted by the three women behind the counter. And you know what happened after that – It wadn’t but about five seconds before Edna Earl and her party and the women behind the counter had figured out that they knew each others’ cousins’ cousins – or somethin’ like that. At any rate, the women behind the counter were most helpful and friendly. And not just to EE and party. EE saw the women similarly greet others who entered the place, and not at all in any obnoxious way. The women’s first offer was always to help the customer with the menu. And, you know, some folks do need help with a menu.

Old Clinton’s “BBQ plate” features, in a manner typical to other barbeque establishments around the South, barbeque, stew, bread, pickle, and choice of coleslaw or potato salad. And this is exactly what Edna Earl ordered. EE did find it interesting that unlike at many other BBQ establishments around the South, one does not get a choice of “chipped, chopped, or sliced” pork. All is one at Old Clinton – and it was what EE would describe as chipped.

Edna Earl feels impelled at this point to clarify for any non-Southern reader that the term “barbeque” always means pork.

Old Clinton also offers a “Rib Plate,” “Smoked Half Chicken Plate,” and “Turkey Plate.” Interestingly, the “Rib, “Smoked Half Chicken” and “Turkey” plates offer “BBQ beans” as a side rather than Brunswick stew. One in EE’s party ordered the ribs and beans, and liked them. In addition to the plates, Old Clinton offers a few other items, of course -- sandwiches, chips, slices of homemade cake, etc. -- but the aforelisted is what one receives on a “plate.” The only concession EE could see to modern times is the fact that Old Clinton now offers (with voiced apologies from the women behind the counter) the customer’s choice of “light, wheat, or rye” bread. They also serve, of course, tea – sweet and unsweet – and soft drinks. Old Clinton does not serve beer or wine.

Everybody who knows anything about Southern barbeque knows that each region – and each different BBQ joint – is distinguished by its sauce. Sauce at Old Clinton is the kind Edna Earl and her ilk describe as the “North Carolina variety,” thin and dark, applied at table. Sometimes this kind of sauce ill suits Edna Earl, but in this case, owing to the combination of the finely cooked meat with the particular quality of the sauce itself, Edna Earl approved. (It must be noted that Edna Earl’s lunchmates, both diehard Alabama Yellowsauce fans, only reluctantly approved, but we all know about those Alabama Yellowsauce fans, don’t we?!) All three in Edna Earl’s party just thanked god that there was none of that middle-Georgia “catchupy” sauce in evidence at Old Clinton.

With only seven tables, an interesting counter, and a couple of picnic tables outside under the portico, Old Clinton appears to be first and foremost a take-out establishment. Now, that is not to say that dining in was not a pleasant experience. It definitely was. A diner may browse the family photographs, the newspaper articles, the antiques and the other artifacts on display. There is no music; there is no television. A diner may engage in conversation with the women behind the counter as well as with other diners. One may even read and learn about that famous middle-Georgia legend The Goat Man. This is all to say that one may have a most pleasant dining experience at Old Clinton. However, Old Clinton is not exactly the kind of place one would go for, say, a romantic evening out or a prom night or even a ladies’ lunch. It is a place one goes to eat barbeque. Enough said.

So let’s just sum this whole thing up by saying that Edna Earl hereby declares Old Clinton Barbeque to be (You read it here first, folks!) – drum roll – THE REAL DEAL. Yessir, Old Clinton is the real deal. Yes, Edna Earl admits to the Styrofoam plates and the plastic utensils, but how else is a take-out BBQ joint supposed to function? And besides – one can always carry a little Old Clinton home and serve it with Grandma’s Chantilly on Great-Grandma’s Haviland. But, alas, in that case one would miss the opportunity to converse with the friendly women and read about The Goat Man!

Edna Earl says, “Visit Old Clinton soon. You won’t be disappointed.”

One Eleven Grill, Madison FL *

Edna Earl’s hopes literally soared when she spied this inviting looking little café occupying a space in a row of historic buildings near the courthouse square in lovely downtown Madison, Florida. Yes, indeed, the café’s front door was most welcoming –
flanked by an ample arrangement of healthy potted plants, shaded by a bright awning, augmented by attractive red-checkered café curtains in the large windows on either side of the door itself. Once Edna Earl entered the place, though, her hopes faltered just a tad when she was struck by the thought that maybe somebody had tried a little too hard on the interior décor. Two HUGE new sofas faced each other smack dab in the middle of the dining room. The paint job on the plaster walls had endured a little too much attention (think “faux something”) and the art collection – well, EE was just relieved that there wasn’t much of it. Then, after EE was seated and got a glance at the menu, she knew she was in trouble. Quiche, salads, a few sandwiches, a burger, chicken pot pie. Now, anybody who knows Edna Earl knows that she LOVES a good quiche, a good sandwich, a good salad, a good chicken pot pie – and she’s even tolerant of a good burger. But Edna Earl’s concern over this café’s menu was in the details. Here’s an example: “pecan encrusted chicken salad with bleu cheese crumbles and apple slices and choice of curry or blueberry dressing.” Edna Earl’s assessment: Yuppieville. Last year’s “upscale.” Correction: Last decade’s “upscale.” Tired. Old. And, you know what? It wadn’t good then, and it ain’t good now. Edna Earl never ceases to be surprised at “chefs” who think that words are more important than food. Do they really think that because those words – pecans, chicken, lettuce, bleu cheese, apples, curry, blueberry, encrusted – sound good together that they’ll taste good together?

Well, guess what? They didn’t. That “pecan encrusted chicken salad” is, indeed, what Edna Earl wound up ordering, because the grilled grouper sandwich she first ordered turned out not to be available. Edna Earl’s husband, Earl Jenkins, ordered the chicken pot pie. Bad mistake. Edna Earl doesn’t know of any other way to put it except to say that that chicken pot pie simply did not taste good. Earl encouraged Edna to taste his pie, and EE concluded that the pie was missing an ingredient or two, but at the same time she decided that it contained an ingredient that didn’t belong. (Garlic? In a chicken pot pie? Please!)

Neither Edna Earl nor Earl cleaned his or her plate – which oughta tell ya somethin’.

EE and E did like the fact that some attention had been put into the serving dishes themselves. The chicken pot pie was served in this neat little bowl and saucer – and the crust looked good (a fact that is completely beside the point since in the taste department it fell far short).

Lastly, Edna Earl can’t leave this post without saying something about “Miss Jackie,” the woman who appeared to be in charge of this place. (Owner/chef, perhaps?) Early on in their One Eleven Grill experience EE and E had noticed that the sweet little girl who had seated them and served their beverages seemed to be intimidated by “Miss Jackie.” It was, indeed, because the sweet little girl referred to “Miss Jackie” several times that EE and E even knew “Miss Jackie’s” name. “Miss Jackie” was none too friendly when later she took the Jenkins’ order, but she completely did herself in when, after the meal was finally over, after Earl handed her the cash for the tab, “Miss Jackie” failed to mutter even so much as a thank-you.

Edna Earl has thought long and hard and decided that the best thing about One Eleven Grill is its façade – and the second best thing is the fact that there’s this very neat little independent bookstore about two doors down.

Suffice it to say that Edna Earl and Earl won’t waste any more of their valuable time at the One Eleven Grill in Madison, Florida. And you might not want to, either.

You get one star, One Eleven Grill, for your front door.